Cringe-Worthy Moment #1: The Dreaded Regular

At work on Wednesday, I was just wrapping up a patient visit. This was a kid that I have seen fairly frequently over the past few years and is one of my "regulars." When you are in the medical field, people feel really, really comfortable sharing the innermost details of their life with you. Sometimes they feel really comfortable asking you about the details of your life. Don't get me wrong, this comes with territory and for the most part I am glad people feel comfortable sharing with me. But sometimes, with a regular, things can get too comfy-cozy.

For example, a few years ago, one of my regular moms told me that she and her son's father had been...."reconciling" lately... For a moment, I was confused as to what exactly she was getting at. The confusion must have shown in my eyes, because the woman said, "You know...reconciling...." Immediately, the light bulb went on and I braced myself for the inevitable. So when the next words out of her mouth were, "And now I'm experiencing a burning sensation in my...." I immediately referred her to her OB/GYN since I mainly specialize in constipated babies, colic, ear infections and growing pains. Yipes. But hey, your kid is vomiting, you're visiting your friendly pediatric nurse practitioner anyways, I get it....2 birds, 1 stone.

But I digress.

I had another regular on Wednesday. When we were wrapping up the visit, I stuck my head back in the room to give her a prescription and she said it...the dreaded "Can I ask you a quick question..." Since I have now been practicing for 5 years, I knew this was grounds to step back into the room and close the door for fear of what the question might be. Deep breath, smile,

"Sure, ask away."

"Not that you look like it at all, but....are you pregnant?"

"Nope, Im not pregnant."

"Oh really? Not that you look pregnant, but you look like your skin, your hair, you're glowing. You are putting out an aura of being pregnant."

(Not quite believing this was happening.)"Nope. Not pregnant."

"You are putting out this vibe that is different..... I just felt like it was a vibe that you are pregnant."

(Nervous chuckle but still being smiley and bright.) "Nope!"

"I mean, you don't look like it, but I just am picking up this feeling from you...."

(In a light joking manner) "Are you saying I look fat?"

"No, no, not in the least. I just felt this glowing vibe from you. You have a pregnant aura."

"Nope, not pregnant."

I then ran out of the room as it became quite clear this woman was NOT going to accept no for an answer. Holy Crap.

We have all done it- looked at a woman, wondered if she might be pregnant, but come on! We err on the side of caution. I wait until a woman is in her 8th month before even daring to assume she is pregnant! Apparently, this woman felt comfortable enough with me, to go on a "vibe" or "aura" she was getting from me! That is just plain crazy.

And by the way, for the record, I was not having a fat day. I did not have a baggy ambiguous outfit on. It was just the opposite! I was having a skinny day! A day where what I was wearing made me look thinner than what I actually am, not the opposite. I did not look pregnant by any means of the definition!!! If I had too much Taco Bell that day, I would be honest.

I completely believe that this woman truly thought I was pregnant based on my vibes. And my glowing skin. And my aura.

And that is a perfect example of a regular! (Albeit, a slightly crazy one taking some pain medication on a consistent basis.)

Of course, I had to tell everyone. I immediately told the medical assistant who was horrified and repeatedly reassured me that no, I did NOT look pregnant. I told Corey, who was completely aghast and confused, "Babe, you look really thin in that skirt! Are you ok? Did it hurt your feelings?"

Ironically, it did not hurt my feelings or make me feel embarrassed for anyone except her. I take it for what its worth. She be crazy. And if I am accused of having a glowing aura...hey, there are worse things in life! And that is the cringe-worthy moment from the dreaded "regular."